Dealing with grief can be quite overwhelming, whether or not the loss of a loved one was  expected or unexpected. It can be the most difficult challenge in a person’s life. In fact, the anger, guilt and frustration that many people experience over losing someone can be overwhelming. Not only this but, there is nothing that our “quick–fix” society can offer that will help someone through their grief in a short period of time.

Experiencing anger when dealing with grief

Grief is a natural response to loss of a loved one. In fact, people of all ages have various emotional and physical reactions when dealing with grief. Some people become angry after losing a loved one. Sometimes, the anger is directed towards family members or close friends. Additionally, some become angry with God and blame Him for their loss.

Martha’s anger towards Jesus

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Jesus’ compassion for those who are dealing with grief

Jesus was so moved by the grief of the mourners around Him, that He also cried (John 11: 35). His public display of sorrow also communicates to us that there is nothing wrong with grieving over the loss of a loved one. Grief is a natural emotional response. In Margaret Brownley’s book, Grieving God’s Way, she writes:

Jesus wept although He was about to resurrect His friend Lazarus. In giving in to this very human emotion, Jesus demonstrated that although we might believe in everlasting life and know that our loved ones are in a better place, it’s okay to grieve. Jesus wept, and so should we.

Grieving with hope

Jesus revealed His power as the “Resurrection and the Life,” by raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11:43-44). This helps to remind us that when we grieve, we do not grieve as nonbelievers. Since, we know that those who die in Christ will one day be resurrected (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14). Consequently, this hope of eternal life helps us when dealing with our grief.

Dealing with grief God’s way

Grieving the death of a loved one is an individual process. Not all people grieve the same way or for the same length of time. but it is important for us to deal with grief in order to heal and move forward. The journey to healing begins with God. He is waiting to help us. Throughout her book, Margaret Brownley offers advice, hope and encouragement for those who are dealing with grief:

1. Make prayer a part of your daily life. “Instead of tossing and turning at night, talk to God. Let Him into your anguished heart, let Him soothe your grieving soul.”
2. Read God’s Word. The Bible is “a book made to order for the grieving heart and the searching soul.”
3. If you are angry at God or others, admit it and do something about it. Ask God to help you to work through your anger.
4. If you have guilt, “determine what lessons can be learned from your past mistakes. Real healing comes when we can turn the ‘if onlys’ and the ‘I should haves’ of the past into the ‘I wills’ of the future.”
5. Be honest. “Don’t’ try to pretend that everything is okay, when it’s not.”
6. Take time to laugh. “Laughter not only has helped people survive the most difficult situations known to mankind, but also has tremendous healing powers.”
7. Admit that you need help. “Say something like: ‘I thought I had everything under control, but the truth is that I’m depressed.’”
8. Ask for help, but be clear and specific. For example, say something like: “I’m feeling lonely and need to talk. Do you have time to listen?”

Taking these steps will help those who are grieving to increase their faith in God, gain insight and wisdom, and find light in the midst of their darkness.

Margaret Brownley says: “Grieving God’s way requires us to trust that God will lead us through the darkness, heal our pain, and bring peace to our weary soul.”

Quotation and advice on getting through the grief process were taken from the book, Grieving God’s Way, by Margaret Brownley, and were used with permission of the author. This book is copyrighted© by Margaret Brownley, 2004, and published by WinePress Publishing, Enumclaw, WA, 98022

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